Men who are confused about their relationships with women often complain about how suddenly they are pushed back after things have progressed well, or why their good intentions, romantic and often sincere, are plunged into fearful “Friends area” to never resuscitate. of the carnal lust that started.
There is a common cause.
Contrary to male instinct and social norms for that matter, showing too much idolatrous attention to a woman – commonly called putting her on a pedestal – or pedestalizing – is often the culprit and arises from a deep fear of rejection.
Some men believe that by being very attentive, overly curious and regularly pleasant about all aspects of a woman’s life, they build a foundation of trust and empathy that could eventually turn into romance and sex. What men thought resonating with a woman during dating is actually neutralizing sexual tension – the basis of polarizing attraction. The polarity between man and woman is what creates sexual dynamics. A penetrating male presence compliments the receiving female presence and is what a woman wants and needs biologically and emotionally.
This often uncomfortable tension is what tests a man’s courage and his manipulation is what women find attractive. By embracing and conquering difficult emotion, a man builds his confidence, as is the case with any problem where one faces and overcomes a fear. Trying to pack it down (okay with everything for calm) signals weakness.
Of course, being interested and genuinely curious about a woman is good and is highly encouraged. But when the dance becomes biased towards dishonest, feigned and severe worship by prostrating before it at every whim, a man is then perceived as being a lame follower rather than a brave warrior. Women want a man with his own decisive mind (trust) and are able to protect and provide (the primal archetype that women prefer, which is buried deep in their DNA). Despite our social conditioning, the stupidity of the romcom film and what many men have heard from their mothers most of their lives, women are not drawn to the adoration and constant accommodation of “nice guys”.
Women want men to lead despite what they say. There is a sense of security and confidence that comes from men who are able to handle any situation that arises. Most women instinctively know their abilities and limitations and think that they may not be able to cope with certain physical dangers, so they turn to men who are anchored in their masculinity to keep them safe.
Women love security and dislike danger, but they love dangerous men who run in fire.
This is one of the main reasons why women sometimes “test” men to see how they react to confused or bizarre emotional spikes and even direct attacks. Women reason and know deep down that if a man cannot manage his verbal mates or if he immediately agrees with her in all situations by bending at the slightest pressure, how could he manage a major assault? It is a weak display and not a sexy position for a man. She may intellectually like the idea that she can control the relationship, but a woman will often quickly lose respect for such a man and relegate her lover when desired in the dreaded “friend zone”.
This behavior is particularly visible for men who perceive their comrades as being “outside their league” and find it difficult to face women despite their own opinions and feelings in a concern for calm and not to annoy the “goddess” dominant! Taking too much care of what a woman can say or think is born of a need that says that she will never find a girl as warm, intelligent, intelligent, etc., etc. This thought is the result of a perception of scarcity (“I ‘I will never find another like this …”) and dependent on “results and results” which disseminates to women that a man does has no confidence in his abilities (to attract other women), or to do it alone – a sign of courage.
Men must remember never to worry about how a woman can judge or give much credit to their worth for him … this is only their opinion and they are after all just human with many flaws despite their beauty. So who are they to judge? Compromising one’s sense of self for the approval of another is utterly pitiful.
Today, several other societal factors are also at play.
Many women have been strongly influenced by radical feminism, a sense of entitlement and, frankly, an unfair and biased distrust of anything masculine. It’s almost an instinctive reaction from many women who just parrot what they are told should bethink and do via social media and some media. We know it under the name of “toxic masculinity”, but these detractors conveniently forget the many courageous and disinterested male protectors (cops, firefighters), caregivers (surgeons, etc.), great minds, philosophers, teachers, writers, etc. who have, and still make up half of this world.
Add to that the state of “hypergamy” (a woman’s desire to always date or marry what she has) that many women display, and those who are simply broken anomic and apathetic carts with emotional baggage and past injuries that block their ability to trust, and you have a lot of women today who desperately need a strong man – whether they realize it or not.
For men who just aren’t suited to stand up to women, the simple solution is to train take advantage of the tension which is created in such circumstances. The idea is not to take the peaceful path of least resistance. Men should not react or satisfy the unreasonable or constant needs and desires of a woman, but rather stand firm in their own beliefs. This stoic behavior is decisive and sexy. Living and managing tension breeds mystery and respect in a woman’s mind and excites her.
Simply put, men should drop the “nice guy”. Please everyone, because it will only turn around. Love your wives hard, but don’t pedestalize her. Draw a line in the sand if necessary and do not crash for fear of losing it if you do not agree (if you do this, it will only think less of you). A word of warning: if you are weak from the start of a relationship and are subject to the friends zone, it will be almost impossible to recover.
Aside from the caveats, we should not confuse these desired traits with being an insensitive asshole. Genuine kindness and vulnerability really attracts women. Vulnerability – the kind that shows that your heart is open to a woman and can bear it if she rejects you, tells her that you are strong and not in need.
So gentlemen, please think about how you really are deep inside and how you present yourself to women. Learn to appreciate and focus on tension, the power that creates polarity and sexual attraction. Be yourself and a little dangerous. Never worry about making a bad first impression with a woman, as it intrigues her.
Remember, as Dr. Glover, author of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” says, that your passion, your project and your career are the “cake” of your building … women are the icing on the cake.