This is one of my favorite quotes and I use it often when talking about relationships with my clients. Not only their intimate relationships but also their relationship with themselves. Think about when you fell, fell in that love that you hold most dear. What did you fall for first? Their eyes? Smile? To laugh? Or was it that indescribable thing your partner had; that spark that’s ignited in your heart, mind, and soul. As a relationship progresses and the novelty begins to wane, it can be difficult to always keep this connection in mind. When we reach these transitional times, it can be helpful to have a few couples therapy appointments to ground us in what connects us to our partner, learn new skills, or develop a new layer of mutual strangeness to develop. when we enter the next phase of our Partnership.
During couples therapy, we work on your relational communication patterns, attachment and trauma treatment; We will also work to rediscover together the connecting points of your story while building a common future goal to help you focus your time and solidarity. These future goals may or may not be tangible. It’s about finding the odd one that matches who the two of you are right now. At the start of our relationship, we have so much to understand. How do we spend our time? What do we value? Kids? Pets? Are you moving for work? Buy this house? The complexity of mixing families, traditions… all the drama of the in-laws! Once the relationship has sailed through these fast, cool, and fun new waters, we head to a lazy river; at least for a while.
When people ask me about the truth about “the seven-year-old itch,” I feel like the gist of my answer is in this quote from Dr. Seuss. After about seven years in a relationship, we have settled into a “normal routine”: we work in somewhat stable careers, our children have acquired a fairly stable routine, we have houses, established credit, cars, “predictable” life. During this installation we can forget or get lost in the routine of everyday life which makes it easy to forget the culture of the richness of our own quirks and the light we bring to those who love us.
So what does all of this mean? How do we find and reconnect to those good things fun parts of the relationship phase baby? We find the little moments of intimacy, the laughter, the twinkling of their eyes. We work on projects, learn new skills, go out together. During couples therapy, we will work on finding time to help you bring out those moments in the steady waters of your life as you live it today.
If you and your partner need a moment to rest in your relationship, contact me and we’ll start the process. Let’s go weird.